Matters of the Heart

The letter sat in a very non-threatening manner on the kitchen table, acting for all the world as if it was the most innocent thing in the entire of creation.  It was nothing more than a slightly folded piece of crisp white A4 with a generic black text printed upon it to inform anyone who read it of its honest and innocent intent.

Lake, however, was treating it like a bomb.

Tatyana had bounded on home from school waving the envelope under her 'father's' nose with a wicked grin on her face.  "The principal sent this home with all the fifth years," she informed him as he took the envelope from her hand and sat down at the kitchen table to open it and read the contents of the letter.

Lake's eyes quickly scanned over the letter and once the words processed in his mind he quickly tossed it onto the tabletop with a yelp and stood back, acting as if the paper had bit him or something outrageous like that.

Tatyana frowned, folding her arms behind her back and leaning forwards, awkwardly trying to read the letter.  "What's wrong with it?" she asked, black and pink streaked hair slipping over her shoulder.  "I'm pretty sure I'm doing well in school, so it can't be anything bad."

"They...They want me to..." Lake gulped loudly and dramatically and clutched the back of the chair, eyes fixed on the letter.  "Get your coat, we're going to Uncle Zak's."

They got as far as the front door of the apartment when Lake went back into the kitchen.  Using a pair of salad tongs, he lifted the letter from the table and held it at arm's length the entire way from his apartment to the car.  He tentatively placed the letter in the boot of his car and tried to act as if it didn't exist until they reached Zak and Bridget's place, where he once again used the tongs to remove the letter.

Were it not for the fact Tatyana had grown up with this man she would have thought that his actions were completely insane.  But this was Lake Dale.  He was in his thirties and still glued straws to fountains with his best friend.

His best friend being the man they had gone to vist with the letter.

She rapped cheerfully on the front door and stepped back while she waited for whomever was inside to come and answer.  There was a shout that sounded familiarly like her 'Uncle' and then the sound of footsteps on the other side.  The door was opened, however, not by Zak but by his son.  Tatyana looked up (and up) at him and smiled sweetly.  "Hiya, Asher," she said, linking her hands behind her back and pretending to look sickely sweet and innocent.  "Trick or treat?"

"It's not Halloween yet," the older male said, but he grinned down at her.

Asher was at least three or four years older than her - a college student compared to her high school student.  She was friends with his younger sister, but that was mainly because their families were so close.  She liked Asher more though, because he was such a 'rockstar'.  One of these days she was going to pluck up the courage to ask him if she could sing with his band - even if it was just the once.  "My Dad's here to see your Dad," she informed him, moving aside to reveal Lake holding the letter.  "I'm not sure why though..."

Asher moved aside to let them in, directing them through the house to where his father was seated in the lounge on his hands and knees, rummaging around behind the TV set.  As Lake walked into the room he let out a long whistle.  "Zak, you know how I just love looking at your ass," he chuckled.

"Its the best ass you'll ever see," Zak replied without even moving.  "What can I do for you, my body of water named pal?"

"I need your help with something extremely important."

Tatyana loved the way the two interacted.  It was like they were permanently stuck in 'teenager-mode'.  Hearing that his best friend was in dire need of assistance, Zak scooted backwards and removed himself from the plugs, wires and such from behind the TV and sat on his knees, grinning up at Lake like he had just devised the greatest plan in the entire world and it involved whipped cream, a water gun, two clowns, four pigs and several tons of concrete.  She glanced at Asher, noting how he hadn't left yet and was instead leaning against the door frame, a smirk that almost mirrored his father's on his face.

"You know I'll help you out with anything.  Did you accidentally kill a hooker?  I've always wanted to bury a hooker."

"Worse!" Lake informed him, dangling the piece of paper before Zak's face.  "I got a letter from Tat's principal and only you can help me."

Reaching up and taking the letter carefully, treating it like the dangerous device Lake was acting it was, Zak quickly read the letter.  "Sex...ed...?" he said aloud.

"She's a girl!" Lake announced, waving the salad tongs in the air.  "I can't teach sex!"

Zak looked from the paper to his friend and then to the girl the letter indicated.  Tatyana had a faint idea what the letter had been about, but never had she expected such a scene concerning the contents.  Maybe she should have saved it for when Dimitri got home from work...or opened it herself and called her mother who was currently in Idaho.

Zak's face instantly went serious as he stood up, dusting off his pants.  He stepped up to Tatyana with that look only adults had when they were about to say something extremely important.  "Don't ever have sex.  You'll die."

The moment those words left his mouth Asher barked out a laugh and instantly keeled over, grabbing his stomach as he was racked with fits of laughter.

Tatyana folded her arms at her chest and stuck out her chin.  "I know that you need to have sex to have kids - which means you've had sex and you're not dead."

Zak chuckled, his expression melting away into something much more comical.  He rubbed at the back of his neck and grinned sheepishly.  "Well, I got better.  Obviously."

Lake moved to stand next to his friend, playfully punching him in the arm.  "You dork.  Is that what you said to Asher?"  He looked over at where the boy was trying to regain his composure, wiping the tears from his eyes.  "Have you followed your Dad's advice?"

Still chuckling it looked like Asher didn't really know what to say to that.  Hoping to save Asher, Tatyana stepped in, snatching the letter from Zak.  "I'll just ring Mom," she said firmly.  "You two are complete idiots.  You're lucky I know enough about the whole 'safe sex' thing."  She fixed her stare on her father.  "Dimitri told me that I shouldn't sleep with someone unless I loved them, and I'm going to wait until I find that person who makes me happy - like you two morons did."  She pointed at both the men who were supposed to act like father figures.  "You've both had sex with someone you loved and look how things turned out for you both.  I'm not going to die."

With a huff she turned on her heel and stormed out into the hall, leaving Zak and Lake to stare dumbfoundedly at each other.  With her back to the doorway, she didn't notice Asher walking up behind her until he spoke.

"What you said in there...It was very honest.  You should wait.  I think you're a smart girl.  I remember when I got that letter too.  Dad said the same thing to me when he came in and heard what Mom was talking to me about."

She turned around and smiled up at him.  "Maybe you only die when you have sex if you don't love the person?"

Asher chuckled and poked her nose.  "Now you're starting to sound like your Dad."