A.N. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
I should be banned from my Blogspot whenever I'm in the mood for angst because I'm pretty certain that were he an actual living person Elliot would come and find me.
And then kill me.
It was like The Hangover From Hell had combined with the Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse and produced the worst hangover ever known to man. That progeny was then released completely upon one single person. That soul person being him, of course.
Evan's death had hit him hard and he hadn't dealt with it in an acceptable way. He'd pushed away the most important people in his life, had irrepairably damaged one friendship (although there had always been tension between them both from the very start) and broken the heart of the one person he loved more than anything. If the death of Evan had caused him to react like that, it would be horrific if Elliot was ever the one to go. If he ever lost Elliot completely Raleigh knew deep inside that he would never rest unless he could get him back - until he had exhausted all other options.
He wouldn't be able to live without Elliot.
Sinking to the bottom of a bottle and deeper had seemed like the most logical thing to do in Raleigh's despair addled mind. In the beginning though, it had been less despair and more rage. He was angry at the world. He was angry at himself. He was even angry at the person who had died! The further into his rage Raleigh went the deeper into despair he fell until everything meshed together to the point where he stopped caring, stopped believing and stopped being himself. He drove people away. He drove the one he cared for the most away. The way in which Elliot had left bubbled more anger to the surface, and being unable to deal with everything properly, Raleigh sank deeper into his own personal self hatred and hell.
He even dragged others down with him. People who were blind to what had happened before the met the wreak that was Raleigh.
It took everything to pull himself out of the hole he had dug from himself, but hearing the words that Elliot was coming home made the effort worth it. Being completely sober for the first time in what was probably months, Raleigh stood a broken shell of a man and apologized from the bottom of his heart and vowed never to do such a thing again.
The heartache and emotional turmoil was bad. Heck, it was still bad - but currently the fact that the world refused to remain stable and his entire body ached and raged at him Raleigh was unsure which feeling was worse.
Slumped on the floor of his bathroom, leaning back against the cool surface of the bathtub, Raleigh reached up a shakey hand and pinched the bridge of his nose. He let out a groan and sunk down on the floor until the back of his skull rested against the rim of the tub.
"Nice to see you getting what you deserve," came a voice from the doorway.
Raleigh gave another groan as his response and tilted his head ever so slightly in order for him to look at the one standing in the entrance to his den of suffering. "You could be a little more supportive of your one and only son when he's in distress," he grumbled, sliding his fingers up his face to rub at his temples. "Where are your motherly instincts?"
The woman in question shrugged nonchalently and stepped fully into the room. "I left them at home just incase I came to witness my one and only son being an idiot and drinking his life away. There's enough alcoholism and drama in this family that I don't need you adding to it, Raleigh Lea Segher." Annelien nudged his leg with her foot and then went to the sink, soaking a cloth in water. "Your little water friend relayed all the information to me over the phone," she explained, bending down beside her son and draping the wet cloth over Raleigh's head and eyes, batting away his hand. "Where's Elliot?"
"Class. He said he wasn't going to go because I spent all night throwing up, but I made him go. College is important."
"Says the man who was the reason the poor thing went to stay in the Ukraine."
"Don't remind me..."
Shifting her position from her knees to sitting with her legs curled at her side, Annelien reached over and began running her fingers through Raleigh's hair fondly. "It's good that he's not here. I don't want him to hear what I've got to tell you..."
He wanted to pull the cloth away and look at his mother directly, but it felt cool and soothing against his skin, and the feel of his mother's fingers in his hair reminded him of all those times when he was a kid and feeling unwell. Annelien always knew just how to make him feel better, even if she came bearing terrible news. "What's wrong?"
"I had an arguement with one of your half-brothers the other day. They plan on following your father's footsteps by going into politics, only they have a few...issues with a few topics that are close to home."
"I thought most of that side of the family had disowned me." It wasn't a question, it was a statement. Raleigh was the son of well-known politican and his 'trophy wife' (Annelien had been his secret mistress for a few years prior to them annoucing their relationship and getting married) and the majority of his siblings and the family on his father's side greatly disaproved of not only the relationship, but of the child born into that marriage. Raleigh's father was old enough to be his grandfather. One of his half-brother's had kids of his own - who also happened to be frowned upon, which was why Raleigh and Kate got along so well. They were the 'unwanted' of their family. For the most part, the majority of Raleigh's half-siblings refused to admit they were even related. Raleigh on the other hand didn't care. Despite the age gap, his father had never been an 'absent father', and his mother cared enough two parents. He also had Annelien's mother. Ida may have had many flaws, but Raleigh thought the world of his grandmother.
"Well...He seems to think that his running for a local office position could be compromised if any journalists decide to go digging into his personal life. This 'disowning' thing may have some repercussions, and I've also warned Kate that they may try to contact her. She's got enough to deal with, what with her twins and all. But...that's not the problem."
Pulling the cloth away, Raleigh looked up at his mother. "Stop skirting around it and tell me. It's something about Eli and I, isn't it?"
Her lips were pulled thin and she looked away from Raleigh and down at the tiled floor they were both sat on. "He seems to think that your relationship could compromise his standings."
"I'm not going to 'stop' being gay just so they can become a politican." He let out a heavy sigh and leaned back down, the world having spun several hundred times when he'd sat up to glare at his mother. She stood up once more to rinse the cloth through.
Returning to his side, she dabbed at his forehead and cheeks. "It's your age difference that he thinks the prying journalists will focus on. Him being against your sexuality is one thing, Leelee, but this is him being paranoid that you two met while Elliot was still...underage." She sighed softly through her nose and folded her hands in her lap. "He may be in college now, but he was once in high school. He was sixteen, Leelee, but the journalists can make him any age they think will tarnish reputations."
"I don't care about reputations. Does my brother not know about my wonderful stint as a local bicycle?"
"Oh, my baby boy...You weren't a bicycle." She cupped his cheek and turned him to face her once more, stroking his cheek tenderly with his thumb. "You were confused, angry, hurt. I told him that you wouldn't care about what your life would do to his career. I told him that I didn't care what the papers could do to his career."
"He's going to want us to break up, isn't he?"
She didn't say anything, just dropped her hand and looked away. Once again, a firey rage bubbled up inside Raleigh and he let out a growl, pushing up off his feet, only to find that his head was still swimming and he wobbled on uneasy legs. Reaching out, he grabbed hold of the edge of the sink to steady himself.
"You...You tell him that Eli and I are never going to be apart. You tell him that since he doesn't care about me I don't care about him. Disowning works both ways. He's not my brother."
"Leelee..." There was silence between them for a few moments, and then Annelien stood up, placing a caring hand on Raleigh's back. "Elliot means so much to you, doesn't he?"
"If he had left for good I would never have pulled myself out of that hole, Mom. I was the reason he went away, but I am never - never - being the reason he leaves again. I couldn't live without him." He clutched the rim of the sink, pressing his fingers hard against the cool porcelain. "I may be physically ill recovering from what I did to myself, but it's nothing compared to how I feel inside knowing what I put Eli through. I promised him I'd help him find that piece inside his heart that was missing." Lifting his head, he looked at his reflection in the mirror and then at the reflection of his mother standing behind him.
She had strawberry blonde hair, less red than his own. She stood shorter than he did, and dressed smartly where ever she went - even when visiting him. She had fought tooth and nail to be with the man she loved, despite what everyone else though, despite their age difference, despite everything. He could tell by the expression on her face that she understood.
"If I ever lose him, Mom, I'll lose myself." He sighed and hung his head, closing his eyes tight against the spinning feelings inside his head. "Despite feeling like my head is filled with cotton, there is no doubt inside me of how much I care for him. It was more my anger at society than Evan'd actual death that brought me to this point - but no longer having Eli in my life would crush me worse."
"Your heart is too big for your own chest, Leelee...."
He chuckled dryly and allowed his mother to slip her arms under his. "He should be home soon. How about you stay for more than ten minutes and meet him? We've been together long enough it's about time you spent some quality time with your son instead of rushing off after a fifteen minute visit."
She smiled, leading him out of the bathroom. "I leave when Elliot turns up not because I don't want to meet him, but because I don't want to get in the way of my little boy and his boyfriend spending time together." Gently she helped him sit down on the sofa, propping up his feet and head with pillows. "But I suppose I could cook dinner and be a doting mother for a few hours."
A.N. I don't like the ending...but my brain died...
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